And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
