So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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