I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
