I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
