My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
