I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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