made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
