we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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