i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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