Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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