If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
