i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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