When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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