i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
