so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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