Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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