I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
