the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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