Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
