My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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