Umm I'm too high to move.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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