I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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