I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
