Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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