Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
