I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize