Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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