Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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