look no pants
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
