Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
