wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
