it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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