Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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