idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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