so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
