4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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