Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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