Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
