she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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