shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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