Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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