Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
