So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
