I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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