Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
