broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
