This is not my ceiling
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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