I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So drunk its hurt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
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You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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