is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
