so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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