oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
tell me about the fingering
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