I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
