Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
