Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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