Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize