wat bout pragnant strippers??
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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