i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
