I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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