I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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