So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
