sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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