tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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