grandma shit on top of the toilet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
