I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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