i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
