She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's like iHOP with fire
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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