i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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