i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just had sex bonerless
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
