That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
