Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
