i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
