I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
