If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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