ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
