real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
