So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
