How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Someone came in the potted fern
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
