just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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