The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
