Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
