The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
