so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
