just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
